Mr. Hurley’s Neighborhood is Under Attack

I use the popular mobile app for Nextdoor to keep up to date on what is going on in my neighborhood. In my SW Portland neighborhood we put the Weird in Portland. This week after many coyote sightings and other reports, someone posted a funny sarcastic warning about “pygmy wolves”. There is never a dull moment or something not funny in Mr. Hurley’s Neighborhood.

It’s become clear to me that SW Portland is suffering from a major infestation of pigmy wolves. Based on panicked daily reports on Nextdoor, I estimate that there are probably upward of 7000 of these vicious creatures running in about 500 packs. They are dragging away our cats, small dogs and unwary toddlers.

This is no laughing matter folks. Experimentation with pigmy wolves leads to the next step up and eventually you’re dealing with a full-blown timber wolf infestation.

I think we in the west hills have three logical alternatives for action:

1) Gather all the villagers in a line at the ridge with garbage can lids…